“It’s not things that upset us, but our judgements about things that do.”
— Epictetus
Background: Epictetus (50–135 AD) was a former slave-turned-philosopher in the Roman Empire. Born into slavery, he found interest in learning and attended the lectures of the philosopher Musonius Rufus. After obtaining his freedom, he went on to teach philosophy and eventually established a thriving school in Nicopolis, Greece.
When faced with troubles in our lives, we often respond almost instinctively. When something goes against our plans, we feel hurt. After a “negative” event, negative emotions seem inevitable. When others make mistakes, we feel anger. When we make mistakes ourselves, we blame and self-hate. Just like wild animals responding to stimuli, we react automatically to whatever life throws at us.
I used to live a life of uncertainty. I worried about the outcomes of even the smallest events, unsure whether they would be “good” or “bad.” The only thing that felt certain was this: whenever something “bad” happened, I would feel hurt. I felt like a victim. I became angry at myself and at others. I didn’t define my emotions—my emotions were defined for me by every peak and trough in life. I was no better than an animal, reacting without thinking.
While I was not a literal slave like Epictetus, I was a slave to a different master—not a person, but my own emotions and judgments. Without thinking, I assigned labels to everything that happened: good or bad. And with those labels, I justified every reaction. I responded this way because it was a bad thing. Or, I reacted that way because it was a good thing. But eventually I realized something was wrong. I was so entrenched in my subconscious labeling that it completely controlled my life. Instead of choosing how to feel and how to live, my emotions ran rampant, driven by the judgments I attached to everything.
Epictetus was born into slavery. His leg was crippled by his cruel master. Yet he refused to be a victim. He didn’t let those experiences define him. He continued to study—not hating his master, but growing through his circumstances, refusing to let anger or resentment cripple him. He later wrote works that influenced the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius. His life isn’t just a rags-to-riches story—it is a testament to the power of perspective. Had he allowed his judgments to control him, none of his achievements would have been possible. Though technically enslaved, inwardly he was free. His perspective wasn’t determined by externals; it was rooted in himself. He knew who he was and who he wanted to become, and he did not allow external events to dictate his emotions. He endured slavery not as a slave, but as a free man—a master of himself.
When I read his Discourses, this quote stayed with me. Realizing that my subconscious judgments were the true cause of my suffering was a revelation. I didn’t have to respond badly to “bad” things. It was my judgment that something was bad—and that judgment shaped my reaction. From that moment on, I tried to live out this principle. Whenever something happened, I paused. Instead of letting my subconscious label everything and react immediately, I controlled my response. I controlled my judgment and perspective, seeing events for what they actually were. I didn’t have to react in any predetermined way. I could choose how to respond. I could choose how to feel. I was no longer a slave. I was free within myself.
This quote is now a foundational part of my philosophy: that we can always control how we feel and act, no matter what happens.